


Living for Lizzie

by TacoLoveTwoWays



Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence after Liz finds out Reddington Killed Sam, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Love, Protective Red, Vulnerable Red
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23184067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TacoLoveTwoWays/pseuds/TacoLoveTwoWays
Summary: He swallowed nervously, he needed her to say something; but he understood that she was profiling him. “I would never hurt you, Lizzie. Never. I’m a prideful man, but at this moment I’m begging you to believe that if nothing else.”Liz’s beautiful blue eyes darted back and forth between Red’s sorrowful green ones. He held his breath, anxiously waiting for a response, when she finally gave it.“Okay.” She said.It was an exhausted response, one that took all of her effort, but Red relished it anyway.Lizzie was alive. Lizzie was awake. Lizzie was talking. And Lizzie believed him.
Relationships: Elizabeth Keen/Raymond Reddington
Comments: 24
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Multi-Chapter Lizzington fic so I hope it's enjoyable for you!

The only thing Red loved more than the sweet summer sun’s warmth shining down on his skin, was Elizabeth Keen.

She had his heart in a way that no one else ever had, and no one else ever could. She is, was, and always would be his entire reason for existing. He knew that it was unhealthy, and he knew it was at times even selfish, but he didn’t care. He would do anything (and he meant _anything_ ) for her. Including turning himself into the police and letting them do what they would with him, if it came down to it.

So as soon as he overheard one of the Agent’s mention Lizzie in their conversation, he couldn’t helpe but tune in… Just in case.

“I mean… _Seriously_. What’s the deal between Reddington and Keen? Is she like… sleeping with him for his exclusivity or something?” The male Agent asked. “It’s kinda obvious he’s obsessed with her.”

The female agent looked disgusted. “No! Agent Keen is far too professional and self-respecting to do something like that! He’s more of a burden to her than anything, really.” She said “After her husband’s death her biggest fear is losing another person that she loves. Keen would never go for him, he’s way too old and evil. He’d either get shot up or die by her fortieth birthday so it’d be pointless for her to involve herself with him that way anyway.”

Red clenched his jaw and tried not to let the pang in his chest overwhelm him. He hated that they were right. Lizzie would never love him the way he loved her. He was too old, too scarred. He had caused her too much pain, wasn’t even technically a free man, and his presence in her life was practically life threatening. He was not at all good enough for her. But still, she cared about him; at least a little bit. He wasn’t sure how, or why; but by the grace and mercy of the universe, Elizabeth Keen cared about Raymond “Red” Reddington despite the fact that he didn’t deserve it. And although he was going to be pining after her miserably for the rest of his days, he knew he could _never_ die on her. Because the female agent was right… Elizabeth was terrified of losing another person she cared about, and he could never destroy her like that.

Plus, he needed to be around for as long as possible in order to keep her safe; because although the FBI would do their damndest to protect Lizzie; he was the only one that would be able to protect her completely. They were bound by the rules of the law; he, on the other hand… was not.

He’d been thinking about that a lot, lately. Thinking about what his death would mean for Lizzie. It would mean that she would go unprotected; it would mean that she would be vulnerable, and from hearing the female Agent’s statement, he was finally pushed over the edge: He had to do whatever necessary to stay alive for as long as possible. He had never once thought about staying alive; he actually wished for death quite often; but then he remembered Lizzie; and how he needed to protect her. How she needed him, regardless of what she might think of him; and although she was absolutely _LIVID_ with him at the moment; and although that anger and resentment broke his heart every moment of every day, he knew that he had to do what he had to do to protect Lizzie for, well… forever.

There was a Husband and Wife (biomedical engineer and biomedical chemist) that were notorious with the high-ranking members of the underground criminal world for giving people the ability to live for centuries without even aging. Only the highest-ranking officials in the underworld have ever spoken with them because their services are so over-the-top expensive. It was $500,000,000 just for their surgery and another $300,000,000 for their injections. Their surgery would replace all of the vital human organs (including the lymph nodes) and it would give them the ability to function forever without ever getting the risk of cancer or damage. Then, the injections that they gave their patients after the surgery was some type of nano-bot that boosted the body’s healing capability and speed by 100%, meaning it was almost instantaneous healing and 0 risk of death by gunshot/stab wounds. They also boosted the immunes system tremendously by eating away and destroying anything that entered the body that tried to hurt it. Making their patients immune to almost every deadly disease.

He had never considered going through with it, but now that he had heard that Lizzie was now telling her _coworkers_ how scared she was of losing another person, and now that he realized how incompetent the FBI really was, he decided that it was the best course of action.

He knew that first and foremost he had to get himself the surgery and infusions. Then, in a few years’ time he was hopeful (but not certain) that he could get Lizzie to agree to get them done to her as well. It was the only way he could feel safe and certain that he would never lose her again… He’d have a 90% less chance of losing her. She would be practically indestructible. The only thing that could really kill her would be fire or suffocation; and he’d do everything in his power (which was a _lot_ ) to protect her from both.

But for now, he had to get started on himself. It was the only way he knew how to protect her without risking his own life. He needed to be as immortal as possible. So, he decided that instead of informing Liz of the newest blacklister he wanted to catch like he had originally planned when he got there that morning, he would inform her that he would be gone for a few months (not that she’d care right now anyway) so that he could find the couple known as the “Bio- idols” and get them to work on him without Lizzie finding out and trying to stop him.

Finally, thirty-eight minutes and twenty-six seconds later (not that he was counting or anything). Lizzie finally showed up. She sighed as she saw him. “Reddington… what do you need?” She asked monotonously; and _oh,_ did that shatter his heart. _Red!_ He wanted to yell. _Call me Red, Lizzie. Please. I need to just be Red to you again, I hate how formal things are between us. I want to matter to you again._

“Lizzie! I’m happy to see you.” He said instead, putting on a façade of unaffectedness and ignoring her question for now. He just wanted things to be okay between them again.

Lizzie, on the other hand, wasn’t having it. “What do you need?” She asked again, more sternly this time around.

Red nodded, conceding to her demeanor as his heart ached. “I’m going away for a few months. Top secret stuff. I just wanted you to know that, and to know that I _will_ be back.”

Lizzie rose her brow, seemingly unimpressed. “Don’t think Cooper is going to be okay with you vanishing for months at a time. You have a deal with him, you know.”

“And are you?” He asked, half hopeful, half self-deprecating.

Lizzie chuckled annoyedly. “At this point? I couldn’t care less what you do.”

Red clenched his fists, his nails digging into his palms. The pain in his hands was meant to mask the pain in his heart that Lizzie’s statement caused him, but it couldn’t. Nothing could make this easier but Lizzie’s forgiveness. He tried to make it better, he _needed_ to make this better. “Lizzie, I know I hurt you, but I-,”

“Don’t.” Lizzie interjected; angrily shaking her head. “You killed my father and lied straight to my face about it for _months!_ You made me think that you cared. Made me care about you. You earned my trust, and then come to find out YOU are the reason I was in a fire when I was four. _You_ are the reason Tom came into my life! All of the pain that has ever occurred in my life was because of _you!_ And I just… I have nothing to say to you. So, just _stop_. Stop pretending to care. Stop trying to make things okay. They never will be. Not after everything you’ve done.”

Red stood up, and tried to reach a gentle hand out to Lizzie but she stepped back; cracking his heart even more. He wanted to tell her how wrong she was… But he couldn’t; because she was also partly right, and he didn’t know if the truth was any better. “I know I don’t deserve a place in your life, Lizzie. But I do hope you someday realize how wrong you are about your place in mine. You are important to me, Lizzie. And I _do_ care about you. More than you could ever realize. I loved Sam immensely, Lizzie.”

Lizzie scoffed. “Well, if this is how you treat the people you supposedly love, I sure as hell would hate to see what you do to the people that you hate.”

At that, Red couldn’t help but stumble backwards a bit. “Lizzie…” He croaked.

Lizzie ignored his plea. “Now, what ‘top secret’ business do you have to tend to? I’m pretty sure that description isn’t going to fly with Cooper.”

Red clenched his jaw. He knew he deserved this. Knew that after everything he’d done it would take a _lot_ to fix their relationship; but he planned to do everything he could. He wasn’t going to get the happy ending he’d always wanted with her, but he would do whatever he could to at least get back in her good graces again. “Lizzie, I know you don’t trust me, but could you at least give me the benefit of the doubt? Just this once? I need you to cover for me. I will be back. And if you need me, I will drop everything and come running. I promise you, Lizzie. I’m not trying to escape. I’m not trying to hurt you. I can’t tell you where I’m going, because I need you to be safe.”

Lizzie studied him for a moment. “How can I trust anything you say?”

“You can trust me, Lizzie. I know that my presence only causes you pain, so me being away for a little while would be beneficial to you anyway. I will have Dembe keep an eye on you while I’m gone, and at the first sign of trouble, I promise you he will protect you. He’s protected me for fifteen years.” Red said. “Please. Let me have at least a month. I will come back to you. I’ll always come back to you.”

Lizzie studied him dubiously. “You’re _really_ leaving Dembe?”

Red nodded. “Yes, as a sign of good faith, and as your protector while I’m away.”

“Fine.” Lizzie acquiesced. “One month. Then I’m hunting you down.”

“Is that a promise?” Red asked with a smile.

Lizzie glared. “It’s a _threat_.”

“Understood.” Red agreed with a nod, although that threat was nothing if not welcomed. He _wanted_ her to want him. He _wanted_ to be around her. He was going to hate the next month away from her. So he wasn’t quite sure how to pretend to be scared of her ‘threat’. “I will have Dembe pack his things and will drop him off at your house in an hour.”

Lizzie rolled her eyes but agreed, and Red was out the door. He hoped that after a month apart and after his surgeries, things would be at least a _little_ better between them.

~~~~~~

He’d been searching for two weeks when he finally found them. He’d used his charm (and his status as the Concierge of Crime) to get them to agree to a deal: he’d pay them $200,000,000 for his surgery and Lizzie’s (hopefully future) surgery, and lend them his services for free for the rest of their never-ending lives.

He’d undergone all the tests that they needed and eventually, three weeks after he left Lizzie and Dembe back in DC, he went under the knife and had all of his organs taken out and replaced with robotic ones. The only remaining organic internal organ left was his brain… And it felt quite strange, but he could certainly breathe better, and he was actually in quite a lot less pain. So, that was a bonus he supposed.

He was to get the injections that day, and then after being monitored for three days he was going to be free to leave. The injections would heal the almost-closed surgical incisions, and he shouldn’t even have scars. He smiled at the woman that was about to inject him with the tissue-regenerating nano-bots, but then his phone rang.

He looked to see who the caller was and then frowned worriedly. “Dembe, my friend. What is it?”

“It’s Elizabeth, Raymond. She’s gone. We can’t find her.” Dembe said frantically

Red’s heart sank to the floor and his stomach churned. “I will be there within 15 hours.” He said as he hung up, not needing any more information. He looked at the syringe in the woman’s hand and didn’t even care about the consequences about his next actions. He yanked the syringe out of her hand and injected the contents of it into his neck.

He grimaced through the pain before standing up, grabbing his hat, and heading for the door.

The woman shrieked. “You can’t leave yet! You shouldn’t even be traveling for at least three days! You need to be monitored! You have no idea how your body will react! You might need your dosage adjusted!”

Red worked his jaw for a moment. “I’m not particularly certain what will happen to me, but I _am_ certain that I don’t care. The woman I love is in danger, and I have no time to spare. I promise you that no matter what happens to me, my successor will hold up my end of the agreement.” He said. “I do hope this isn’t the last time I see you though! You and your husband were such _lovely_ company.”

And then, without another word he left the underground Russian clinic and sped all the way to his private jet.

There was no time to lose. He had to find his girl.


	2. Chapter 2

Dembe looked terrified when Red finally got there 14 hours later (he’d made sure his pilot knew that this was dire circumstances and time was of the upmost importance). “Raymond; I am so sorry I failed you both.”

Red clenched his jaw. He loved Dembe dearly, but if Lizzie was hurt in any way; he wouldn’t be capable of forgiving him for it. He didn’t respond to Dembe; it was already clear how Red felt. There was no need to extrapolate on it. There was no time. They needed to find Lizzie.

 _He_ needed to find Lizzie. Because although he would never admit it aloud; he was absolutely petrified and desperately needed her to be safe. It didn’t matter how, or to what lengths he had to go to. He would do anything to get her back. No matter what. He would leave no stone unturned and no face unpunched if it came down to it.

**XXX**

They’d been searching for three days straight; and Red hadn’t slept a wink. They hadn’t come up with anything. Ressler was a mess as usual, Aram was melancholy, and Harold looked almost as distraught as he would be if it were his own daughter missing… But still, the only person that came close to the amount of heartache Red was feeling, was Dembe.

Red could see the total devastation and guilt all over his face. It was very obviously eating him alive. Red truly did want to be a bigger man so that hew was able to comfort his friend; he knew that he had done all that he could do… But he couldn’t. His anger was irrational… when it came to Lizzie. He loved that woman with every ounce of his soul, there was nothing he could do to control his emotions when it came to her. And this situation was no exception.

“Well, it was _lovely_ being briefed, but as usual you have been of no help, and it seems as though it is time for me to take matters into my own hands.” He said calmly. He wasn’t sure why he’d even bothered to try to cooperate with the task force to find Lizzie. Perhaps it was because he knew that’s what Liz would have wanted him to do. Unfortunately for them both however, without Lizzie the task force was completely incompetent.

Ressler glared at him. “Oh, yeah? And just what the hell do you think you’re going to be able to accomplish without our help? Huh?” He asked defiantly.

Red offered him his signature terse smile. “Far more than you could ever hope to, Donald.” He said as he stuck his hat back onto his head and turned to walk out the door.

“Reddington, if you do anything to break the law I-,”

“Harold, your empty threats mean nothing to me.” Raymond said coolly as he turned around and faced him with cold, angry eyes. “Even if I thought you would genuinely lock me up and throw away the key, I would still ignore everything you had to say. Because at this moment the only thing I care about is getting Elizabeth back. So, if you’re done trying to prove to me that you have the bigger cahoonas (which we all know to be false) I’d quite like to get back to searching for our dearest Elizabeth Keen.”

Harold sent Red the dirtiest glare Red had ever seen the man send, but with a clenched jaw he waved him away. “Just find her and bring her back.”

Red smiled. “That’s what I was trying to do before you so _rudely_ interrupted me.” He replied before finally leaving the post office and getting to work.

~~~~~

“Raymond, you need to at least eat something. You will be of no use to Lizzie once we find her if you are malnourished.”

Red looked up at Dembe and shook his head. “How am I supposed to eat when my stomach is so nauseous, Dembe? Lizzie is out there; all alone. She could be hurt, or dead, or-,” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Or being tortured. And it’s all because of me. I-I put her in so much danger just by keeping tabs on her. I should have known better. I should have let her go; but I just couldn’t. The moment she introduced herself as Agent Keen, I was a goner for good. She’s my everything.”

The pain in Dembe’s eyes was so palpable it only added more anguish to Red’s already shattered heart. They had no idea where their beloved Lizzie was. No idea if she was okay. And they both blamed themselves.

How were they going to survive this?

~~~~

They’d continued searching tirelessly for four more days. Tortured six men, and it finally led them to a man Reddington had long since tried to forget and actively avoided thinking about. In all actuality it had been thirteen years since the last time he’d seen the man, and ten years since he’d crossed Raymond’s mind, but there was no doubt that he had the upper hand in this scenario because he had Lizzie.

Red clenched his jaw as he sat in front of the man that literally held the entirety of his world in his hands. “Where is she?”

The man laughed. “ _Where is she?_ Shouldn’t the question be what did I do to her? Or perhaps maybe even what you have to do in order for her _safe_ return?”

“Winslow, I really think that you’re making a terrible mistake. You do not want to do this.” Red said sternly. He had no patients, and no matter what happened there, Winslow would live (or die) to regret this day. “This is something I will not forget, nor will I _ever_ forgive.”

Winslow laughed. “You got my father killed, and my daughter taken away from me. I’m just returning the favor by taking away the person you love most.” He grinned devilishly. “For over two decades it was thought that Raymond Reddington didn’t have the capacity to love. But then little Elizabeth Keen changed that all. She’s your weakness.”

Red clenched his jaw. “No.” He replied decisively. “She’s my strength.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Strength?” Winslow chuckled. “Strength doesn’t normally get you into predicaments where you are vulnerable; like this one.”

Red looked up at him emotionlessly; although inside he was raging with worry and fury; and his heart was thudding rapidly in his chest. He refused to give this man the satisfaction of knowing that he was getting to him. “Where is she?”

Winslow grinned. “She’s alive. That’s all I am willing to tell you until you agree to my terms.”

“What are your terms?” Red asked, ready to get this over with. He was tired of the games. They both knew that whatever Winslow asked for, he would get; so long as it guaranteed Red that Lizzie would be safe and returned.

“You give up your team. You give up your career; and you give up Lizzie.” Winslow said with a smile. “Once you’ve disbanded all of your connections, I will allow you to view Lizzie; but I promise what you get back will not make you happy.”

Red clenched his fists in his lap. Rage roaring through him. “And just what the hell is that supposed to mean? What have you done to her?”

Winslow smiled. “Make the calls. Disband your people. Come back to me when it’s all finished, and I will let you see Lizzie before you go away for good. If you ever come into contact with her again, I will have her head blown off while you watch.”

Red clenched his jaw. He couldn’t do any of that. Under normal circumstances, of course he’d do whatever it took to get Lizzie back. But if he disbanded all of his business; that would void his contract with the Bio Idols and Lizzie would never be able to get the surgeries; and not only that, but he wouldn’t have the resources to be able to protect her, even from afar if he disbanded his empire. He had to think up a plan; and he had to do so as quickly as possible.

**~~~~**

As soon as they entered the safehouse; Red flung everything he could at the wall.

He was furious.

He was devastated.

He was terrified.

He was _desperate._

How was he supposed to protect Lizzie when he was supposed to give up everything that he had that could possibly help him do so? That _had_ been doing so since Lizzie was 4 years old.

He hated that Lizzie; _his_ Lizzie, was most likely undergoing horrible torture. She was probably scared, confused, hungry, cold, and didn’t have any faith that she was ever going to be found.

He just hoped that she could hold on a little longer; that she would wait for him to find her… Because he _would_ find her no matter how long it took; then, once he was sure that Lizzie was safe; he would take her somewhere for her to recover and he would track down every last person responsible for kidnapping and hurting her; and put a bullet in each of their skulls.

~~~~

He’d found her.

After nine more days, Red was about to go into the garage of an abandoned house, and gun down every last mother fucker in there to get his sweet Lizzie back. They weren’t expecting him; they’d probably thought they’d been careful enough to never get caught again.

His team had already infiltrated the house; no one had been in there besides two hired henchman; Winslow was no where to be seen, but even if Red didn’t find him today, he would search for him for the rest of his life to repay him for all the pain and agony he’d caused both Lizzie and himself.

He prepared to breach the door; with Dembe dutifully by his side. He looked over at his long-time friend, counted down silently, and on three; he busted the door down.

What he saw when he entered the moldy garage absolute demolished his soul. There was the woman he loved, beaten, battered, bloodied, bruised, and unconscious. Chained by her wrists, her feet not even close to touching the floor.

He felt as if her were going to collapse, she was breathing shallowly. Her head was tilted to the side, and he could see a pool of dried blood beneath her.

He hated himself for putting her in such danger. Hated himself for making her a target. It genuinely was all his fault. He didn’t deserve her love. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, and he would never ask for it.

Never.

All he would do, for the rest of his meager existence, was try to do as much as he possibly could to atone for as many sins that he’d committed against her, as he possible could.

“Lizzie!” He wept as he ran to her side, he saw how purple her wrists were, indicating that she’d been hanging for days, and his heart cracked just a little more. He took in the bruises, the stab wounds placed just so that they wouldn’t be fatal but would cause the maximum amount of suffering. He couldn’t even try to hold back the tears if he wanted to. He really, really, _really_ wanted to die.

He tried to wake her, but none of his attempts were successful, so he rushed to get a pair of bolt cutters from his car and came back to cut her down. As she fell limply into his arms, he took on her full wait, and carried her bridal style as quickly as he could to the car. “DEMBE! CALL MR. KAPLAN!” He ordered urgently as he laid Liz onto the back seat. He got in beside her, placing her head on his lap so that he could fit in the back with her.

Dembe did as he was ordered; the guilt palpable on his face.

Red wished he didn’t… But he agreed with Dembe. This was certainly his fault too. How had he failed so epically at protecting her? He’d never had such a hard time protecting Red. If anything, he should have protected Lizzie more thoroughly than he ever protected Red.

~~~~

Kate had been in the back of Red’s most secretive safe house in Maryland, working on Lizzie for about three hours when she finally came out. Her expression was solemn; a look Red was never accustomed to seeing on her face, and unsettled him in the worst way possible.

“No…” He croaked out distraughtly. “ _NO.”_

Kate gave him a sympathetic look. “Raymond, I’m not saying she isn’t going to make it. But there is a lot working against her. The stab wounds were infected, she had bleeding around her lungs. And lots of other internal bleeding.”

“So, what are you saying? What does that all mean?”

Kate sighed sadly. “Well, with the injuries that I just mentioned paired with her infection, fractured wrist, dislocated shoulder, and broken ribs… She’s got a lot of healing to do. Her body is going to be working on over drive for the next few months. It doesn’t look like her captor had any plans of letting her survive, and she’s lucky we found her when we did because if it had been a few more days, she wouldn’t have. I’m not even sure if we found her tomorrow that she would have survived.”

Red swallowed thickly. “When will she be able to travel? I need to get her out of the country; somewhere safe and away from Winslow and his men until I can find them and put them down.”

“If her body is able to fight off the infection, she should be strong enough to handle traveling. But that could take a month or more… or she might not be able to at all. We also have no way of knowing what her mental state is until she wakes up and I do a psychological exam. He could have done much worse than just the physical torture.”

Red clenched his jaw. He didn’t want to think about it anymore; he couldn’t stomach it. He bent down, resting his palms on his knees and tried to hold back his vomit as he started breathing shallowly. He hated himself. Absolutely, irrevocably hated himself.

But he hated Winslow Lane more, and he intended without a shadow of hesitation to spend his never-ending life searching for that man and making him suffer even worse than he made Lizzie suffer.

~~~~

“Why isn’t she waking up!? It’s been four days, Kate. She needs to wake up.” Red demanded distraughtly. He needed to know that she was okay. He needed to know that she _could_ wake up.

Kate frowned. “At this point Raymond, it is a small mercy that she hasn’t. If she awoke right now, she would be in excruciating pain. No one wants that for her, least of all you.”

Raymond inhaled deeply, trying to let his anguish dissipate; but it only grew worse. “I don’t know how I’m going to survive this, I truly don’t.”

Kate placed a comforting hand on Red’s arm. “You’ll do it for her. Just like you always do.”

Red nodded. She was right.

Lizzie truly was the only thing that had gotten him this far. Without her, he truly didn’t have a reason to keep on going.

~~~~

Six more days had gone and passed; he was going insane. He needed to hear her voice. He needed to see her smile. He needed to feel her touch.

He missed her. His life was so bland, so miserable, so pathetic without her. He just hoped that when (not if because he NEEDED her to wake up) she woke up she wouldn’t blame him for this too… although she definitely could (and should).

Just then, as he sat on the couch of his safe house, waiting impatiently as ever for Lizzie’s awakening, Kate tapped him on the shoulder, arousing him from his melancholic reverie. “Raymond?”

Red’s head shot up, his eyes pleading with Kate to tell him the good news.

Kate smiled tentatively. “She’s awake, but-,”

Red didn’t even wait to listen to the rest of what Kate had to say, his heart filled with joyous hope and he bolted from the couch and down the hall. Then, when he reached the bedroom Lizzie was staying in, he inhaled deeply to try to tame down his anxiety.

Once he felt more in control of his emotions, he tapped lightly on the door and opened it to see Lizzie staring up at the ceiling.

Finally, she looked at him, and he could see the panic and pain in her eyes… Directed at him.

Red’s heart ached. He hated seeing her suffer. “ _Lizzie_ …”

Her face contorted into one of pure agony as tears fell down her face. “Please just kill me.” She said, gutting Red. “You made your point. I can’t _do_ this anymore. I get it.”

At that, Red collapsed at the side of the bed. Liz thought that he had a hand in her suffering; and the pain that knowledge caused him was suffocating. “Lizzie, whatever you think I did, I didn’t. I killed your father. I hired Tom. I pulled you from the fire. But I did not, would not, and never will do anything to intentionally cause you harm in anyway. You have to know that. Please.”

Liz looked away from him. “That’s not what he said.”

“Because he is a maniac. He is out for revenge because I brought down his family business of sex trafficking. Made him lose everything. He’s been out to get me for years, and recently realized that he could get back at me, by getting to you. I’m not going to deny that this is my fault. Being associated with me has put you in danger, and for that I am sorry. But… If anything, you must know that I would give my life for you. I’d never hurt you; I’d die before I let that happen.”

There was silence, and Red wanted to scream; to cry, to die… Lizzie was scared of him. Lizzie thought _HE_ did this.

“He said you were angry because I’m risking your immunity deal. He said that you wanted to make me understand that you were in charge, so you hired him.” Liz whispered brokenly, still unable to look at him.

Red was shaking as he shook his head. “Lizzie, please look at me.” He requested as gently as he could.

She did, and he was so thankful for it. He knew how hard it was for her, but he needed her to hear and _see_ him tell her the truth. He met her eyes, his eyes pleading for her to believe him. “I did not orchestrate your kidnapping. I fought tirelessly to find you, but Winslow is still out there, and I need to keep you hidden and secure until I find and dispose of him. The Task Force has no idea where you are because the less people that know, the safer you are.” He explained. “I would never hurt you, Lizzie; I’ve spent my whole life for the past twenty years doing the exact opposite, actually. And to what Winslow said, he’s sorely mistaken. You’ve always been the one in charge here.”

He was never this open with her. He never made it obvious that she made him vulnerable, but then and there, he had to. His sarcasm and wit would get him nowhere in that situation. Lizzie was hurt, scared, and traumatized. She needed seriousness and sincerity. It was his only hope at getting her to even remotely trust him.

Lizzie stared at him for a few minutes; seemingly taking in every little emotion on his face. He swallowed nervously, he needed her to say something; but he understood that she was profiling him. “I would _never_ hurt you, Lizzie. Never. I’m a prideful man, but at this moment I’m begging you to believe that if nothing else.”

Liz’s beautiful blue eyes darted back and forth between Red’s sorrowful green ones. He held his breath, anxiously waiting for a response, when she finally gave it.

“Okay.” She said.

It was an exhausted response, one that took all of her effort, but Red relished it anyway.

Lizzie was alive. Lizzie was awake. Lizzie was talking.

And although it was very clear that their relationship was in ruins. At least whatever torture mechanisms Winslow had used to try to make Lizzie afraid of Red hadn’t worked 100%. (they almost had, but they didn’t.)

So, Red would take what he could get. For now, it was an angry and traumatized Lizzie.

He hoped soon he would just be dealing with an angry Lizzie, because he was used to that… He just wished that she would let him hold her.

Right then, however. His three main goals were to help Lizzie heal, protect Lizzie, and find and kill Winslow Lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Red will be able to win back Lizzie's trust?
> 
> Feedback is greatly appreciated 🥰

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!


End file.
